Australia Panic

hope in the air....

Recently i feel very useless. I am very tired and even think of dying sometimes. I am unable to see any hope and the light to show me the path what to do from now. I can't even study now, been the 7th day since playing non-stop, sometimes skipping my meals. Add up together about 7 tutes never do. The only solace i can find is playing games. That is me..

The exam date are out. With the first paper on the 13th of june and the last one on the 20th. Good news for wq and mw who gonna arrived here on the 19th. Most prob (if i got license then) i gonna drive and fetch u guys from the airport. Bad news for me is, i am still procrastinating.

Of course i will never think about suciding because there is so much obligations i have to fulfilled. It is just that the pain is so intense that can nearly burn my heart out. You may just have that thinking about "not living" because is so painful. I don't know any of you guys experience this but it is very very unbearable.

The only advice i got from my friends is scolding. Everyone is using their own prospective and the "cost and benefit" theory to tell me. To be honest, I truely know what am i doing and I am kinda sick of listening to you guys saying the same old thing to me. I know you are worry about me but please accept what i feel. I am 23 years old and clearly know what am i doing and am able to see the picture. I know there are times emotions had overwhelmed me and my judgement, but I am old enough to think. Indeed it is stupid, but when does anyone truely understand me and the situation i am in. Sorry, nobody does..

I dunno how long it will takes to get over with. But this is the choice i have already make. So stop telling me is not worth it, I have already learn this in the past and i know when to let her go. Actually i already have, just that i still love her. Is that something wrong to begin with? Stop using these self-prosepective judgements to judge others. I dun even care if i need to wait for her forvever.

There is always this "move on" thing but it is impossible to do so in such a short amount of time. Sometimes, the only thing I need is some concern, listener, understanding and a hug. I am a human afterall.

So stop using the same old words like, "let go, give up, its not worth it, move on.. etc" It just add more pain to my misery. Thank you for all the advice though. But if you are concern about me, stop judging me and dun tell me what i should do. Those words is same old thing i heard 5 years ago. This is not the advice i needed.

This blog is not directed at anyone specifically because basically everyone i know of said the same thing to me. You can said that i direct this blog at almost "everyone".

Thank you Yu Cui for asking me about eating my meals and everything. A listener, and someone who concern about my well being. Take care back in Singapore, i will miss the chocolates and biscuits that you gave me.

posted by Gabriel Chan @ 7:30 AM