Australia Panic

if life was much easier...

after yesteday night, i heard from joanne that she(not joanne, tat ger, plz read the previous entry) cried and got even more angry with me. Okay, after gathering more information, she was angry with me for telling what happened to aidan, wilson and jean.

Haiz, actually i just was talking to wilson, but then jean and aidan passed by my room and so i share it with them. I mean, how can i possible keep it to myself when i was so angry after we talked. Fiurthermore, i did only complain what had happened, i did not invite all my friends to condemm and siad bad things about her. Actually she was a nice girl. Just that abit of luck and miss communication screwed things up..

oh this it reminded me of the past. i still remember when i was at primary 2, i get to know a girl on my way home in the school bus. Everytime during the trip, we will scolded each other like "wan 8 dan or idiolt.." so 1 fine day, i went up to her and give her a mickey mouse cap badge to become friends. i still remember what i told her clearly, "wo men bu yao chao jia le, wo ke yi geng ni zuo peng you mah?" of course we become good friends.. however, there lead to another major sad story in my life.

I was just thinking back how life was so simple last time. If only things were more straight foward everyone will be happy. Alot of people actually think i am a naive, simple minded person. The way i talk, the way i joke. But to disappoint you, I know what the hack is going on just that i usually keep things to myself. I just want everyone to be happy and forget about those negative remarks and lies that spread within each person's heart. That is why i tend to believe everything what a person tells me because me myself hates to lie. Even i joke, i guess alot of you knows i tend to make lame jokes so that real life scarcastic-lism will not come into place. Some of you say i am naive, innocent, or whatever. but take note that i am not a stupid person who will take/eat every negative comment like a dog. There is a limit to where things is going to and when you hit the boiling point, i will get pissed and angry. I admit that i do not have good communication and social skills, slow reaction too, that is why sometimes i tried to make things up by acting stupid to catch people's attention and try to make you all happy and laugh. So, for my sake, please don't take advantage of it. Definatelty, the world that i thought and expected to be, will never exisited. I am starting to get used to it, through the hard way.

Main point, as almost everyone knows, i can take quite a lot of negative comments. But please don't attack me especially on comments concerning my esteem. All of you got no idea what i went through before. Whether it was army, relationship and study. my grades got BCD and cant make into uni, fail SOC by 1 second and kenna recourse for another 4 mths... and i don't really want to touch about relationship because i am so sick of it. And i wanted to remind to all the ladies and gentlement reading my blog, whether it is funny or not, don't make fun a guy's height, esteem, career and character. When something is fix, you just can't change or improve it. I am not just speaking for myself but for everyone. It is not funny and it hurts(definately to every guy). Even though it may be a joke to you, but esteem and ego such thing should not be treated lightly. If you want to, please feel free to talk behind my back, just don't let me know. WTF? i mean i can't stop you to hate/dislike me. I got no right to stop you from speaking negative comments to someone else.

Even though i seem to be joking around sometimes, there are many times i do feel sad especially when i am alone. I am just a normal human being. i am actually quite a senstive person but with low communication/social skills. I really hope that i can improve myself so that i can express how i feel actually. But i was too kind, when people shoot at me unfairly, i can hardly counter back, partly of my slow social absorbtion skills.

After this blog, please don't think i am weak. If i am one, i will like to shoot you all with all kinds of negative things that i can think of. No one got any idea how much my heart tolerate and contain countless neagtive comments/nickname/memories/scars that reflects through my mind constantly like some vicious tonardo.. If i am some weakling, then i will have burst every shit out and not absorbing all the painful memories/scars inside and at the same time give you a smile, joke and talk.

I hope this blog wun scare you all. Please treat me as normal just don't talk bad about self-esteem etc. An also, i am not scolding or insulting any one here. Please don't treat this content as a hint to show my dissatisfaction against anyone. i just feel like blurting out facts on a good thursday morning.

Finally, i pray to the lord for that girl and myself to give us strength, concentration and knowledge to focus on the coming exam. Lord, i also wanted to pray for the mood to cool/settle down so that we regain back the friendship that is lying on a thread. I also wanted to pray for the rest of my friends in singapore and perth for their oncoming exams. thank you in jesus name.. Amen!

I also wanted to thank aidan for helping to try an patch things up. after i read his blog, i finally know what is wrong going with me.

posted by Gabriel Chan @ 6:12 PM