Australia Panic

An entry to end my 2006 year in perth

Just before 10 hours from my flight, i feel to blog on how i feel about this year. First of all, i just want to thank all my sg frens who show concern for me when i was sick down here. Despite being 3500km away, i am glad that our friendship still remain strong and bright. I try to keep this entry as short as possible, so that you guys can study after you have read this. Don't worry, i still have one paper in january, so my exams have not end just yet.

This semester start a hell-luva ride for me. I guess it is too for someone i knew last year. Is something that i cannot dislcose it here. But regardless of what happen, i just what to hightlight it is something that leave a mark in my life, that i will remember it forever. I do not know whether i should call it a good or bad thing, but i know is something that i will never regret about it, and there will always be a special place in my heart for you..

Life has never be easy in perth despite the fact i already stayed here for 1 year. Since the start of the semester, i have never be able to recover fully, i feel myself been kneeing down on the road, unable to stand and walk. I feel i have lost my direction in life, i feel i am drifting away from god, and i feel more hopeless than ever. Recently i got a friend scold me being a loser. Well, it was not because i loss a friend, is because of the meaning of the word, and i feel it describe me perfectly. Someone that don't even try.

I still remember the peak in my life (till now) is when i am still in secondary school. I strife my best to achieve what i want, strife my best to achieve what i aim for. Eventually reach to be the top of the scouts. I was motivated, by one person. Because of her, i feel energy flowing into me, even though she is not with me. I just wanted to do things to catch her attention, to see her smile. Maybe that is called synergy.. My shyness made me do nothing in direct, in the end, i find myself falling down on the road. I began to walk again, but i tripped over soon, realising that i had stepped over the same stone. Ever since i lost my momentum, i feel more and more tired and hopeless.

There i am kneeing down, looking over the vast stretch of road, wondering when i will ever going to pick myself up and start to walk again. I am in perth now, wasting time, not treasuring the chance that my parents had gave me. I do look down on myself, lacking discipline and time management. Using my loneliness as an excuse. Wasting too much time on procrastinating, using god as a scapegoat. I really despise myself. Will i be a better man if i am not alone, i don't know..

The most achievable thing that i have done this year is applying a job for myself. Yes, and is not the result, but the process that made me really feel proud. I have work before, but is a job that someone recommend me. For this one, i spend a whole week to plan and draw my resume and finally submit the application on the last day. I really have to thank god for it because i know i won't get the job without Him.

The most enjoyable event this year is the road trip in september. I do really play my heart out durin this break despite i got a extremely bad sore throat. Well afterall, this is a break between assignments and exams! I have such a good laugh over the drama of archie and palia that i am still laughing while typing this. The many memories that we share, the videos and photos we take during the trip is priceless.

My health has seriously deteriorate this year, especialy the second semester. Even my driving instructor said why are you always sick. Do i look like i want to be sick? I wonder thinking too much has deteriorate my health. indeed, i never ever feel so unhappy before at this point of life, i thought i had already get used to what i am to be.. My mom was actually shock and depress when i told her accidently that i am still coughing. Maybe i really dunno how to take care of myself..

The worse moment of my life, i was hospitaized and put on a dripper. I always thought i have a fertile and strong body. I thought wrong for the latter part. And because of my laziness and sillyness, to eat the food that lay on the table for a whole night, it cost me an exam and i need to fly back in jan to take it. Is too late to regret now, even i feel nausea now..

I actually had write 2 whole paragraph on the guy who confronted. But really, i don't wanna magified our situation anymore, so i will take a 2 cent appraoch to it. And i shan't comment on what had happened.

In conclusion, 2006 has been hell for me. Whether is friends, love, or health, i had lost some of them. In the end, i gain nothing. Maybe he is right afterall that i am a loser. Well, life has to go on; going to be more loser after i go back. Its time to start the game call FF12!

posted by Gabriel Chan @ 11:22 PM