Australia Panic

Continuing my story from June12, 2005 - a dark path…

夕阳无限好
却是近黄昏
本想去凭爱去换最灿烂一生
想不到长吻带来更永恒伤感

Eason Chan - 夕阳无限好

It was around August, JJ and I were no longer friends, rather we became love rivals. I remembered the day that sealed my fate. I finally got a rejection SMS sent by her. I realised that it was a little too late to do anything for her to win her heart. From the current situation, I judged that it was too late to do anything for her, I guessed around that time, she had already developed feelings for him. Even I did something, it would only be used as an excuse by her to compare with what JJ did for her. Right then, I felt it was useless to carry on and so I began to learn how to let go.. Don’t talk about determination or anything in relationship, when it is impossible, no matter how much you do, it will be useless.

I guess the only time I let go of this one-sided relationship is when JJ swears to me that he will treat her faithfully and bring her happiness. I am so stupid then, holding on to this ideal and yet not answering the calls to my heart.

“The longer you embrace an ideal, the more friction, contradiction you have with reality.

The path you are taking is like that…

Meaningless ideals will eventually lose to reality,

Even so, can you pursue that ideal without looking back…”

Wishing someone’s happiness is rather meaningless,
I should have choose to bring happiness instead..

Ming Wei, and Jian Hao are the ones who stand beside me after what had happened. Wen Quan was still on war with me due to the egg story. By right, Ming Wei was also at war with me at that time, but I guessed he still care for me as a friend and thus come to my aid. Jian Hao, on the other hand, I guessed it was out of pity that he came to me. That was the first time I drank, and 2 hours later vomit everything.

The dark side, I was finally introduced to, I learnt all sort of things from Jian Hao. He taught me a lot of things about reality that I didn’t even heard of. From sex, money, to lies and selfishness, all these all part of reality and how the world works. At first I could not believe what he said, but after taking a closer look at others, I guess he was right after all.

The naïve world that i believed in, the ideals that I used to hold on to, taking all the pain myself etc, showed how naïve I used to be.

Yet even the case, I still hold on to one remaining ideal that I believed strongly.

“No matter what happens, as long the one that I like/liked stay in happiness, I should walk away if I needed to.”

It will be some time before I blog out the last, and final part of what had happened after that. Don’t ask me why I suddenly want to bring this up. It had nothing to do what had happened here, what had happened there. It is just something that comes to me sunddenly and I needed to end what I didn’t write finish one year back.

posted by Gabriel Chan @ 1:42 PM